With time to myself, comes a lot of time to think and reflect on certain matters. I got to spend time with someone I care greatly about and though I don't like current events, I enjoy the moments shared. Kept in my memory to warm the....cockles...-cue helpless snickering-.of my heart. Part of me tried to resume that old bitterness that I once knew and grown comfortable with but I don't see the reason. I went into a situation the risks way too well, not expecting anything to come of it. If anything it might've simply strengthened a friendship between us. I still look at things with an untrusting eye with certain people because I was once 20 years old and completely clueless. I do care about Cathy, regardless of how hard I once tried to fight it in the past, but when I spent time with her, I began to question, why hold a grudge from so long ago? I don't care how people view me or my decisions, I do what I want to do based on how I feel and the past few nights I have actually been at peace with myself. So she decided to keep going with her current relationship. Ok. As much as I don't like it, I'll honor it. I can't and won't do anything to change her mind because people should do what they believe is right and not what outside parties believe. Which is why I did what I did. I was in a win-win situation. If something grows from our friendship in the future, cool. I defied the odds placed down by people who said I can't and shouldn't. Otherwise I'll remain her friend which is a plus as well. We both have grown up over the past few years. I can't deny how I feel and I won't try to convince myself otherwise, I won't try to convince others to understand or force them to see my point of view. I've grown up since then, I was afraid of absolutely nothing other than fears spawned by my own imagination.
If none of this makes sense or seems.."Hokey" don't worry, I'm typing in the spur of the moment, jotting down bits and pieces of what my mind throws out onto the keyboard. I have my entire life ahead of me. My music, my career...if the job markets improve. I do hope to experience a stable relationship this year. And those will be my resolutions for the year. My music, my job, and my life. Fuck the media-driven hopes and dreams of the common public. I am my own person, unique and unwilling to bend to the design of others. Some define it as a flaw, I look at it as a strength. Today I pined, pissed and moaned depressively to myself because a part of me didn't get what I wanted. But in the end...and for some reason VERY LATE AT O-FUCK-THIRTY AT NIGHT, after I got off the phone with Cathy, I realized I have some of the things I currently want. I do have friends who care for me, despite their own flaws, I care for them. 2009 will be a very interesting year indeed. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for me. BRING IT ON!!!! -tightens straps on boots-
Does anyone actually read this shit?????
Please let me know.....I want input
And now to sleep cuz I got work in the morning.....FUCK IT'S COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!